Y’all, it will be a whole year we got married! My husband and I find ourselves reminiscing about the glorious day including the events that led up to the very day, we can only testify to the goodness and faithfulness of God in all. The Lord has been there with us in every season. The special song, Goodness of God (cover by Cece Winans) I walked down the aisle to, as I met my groom, sums it up. Whoa! How did 12 months fly by so fast!? There is a detail in the journey and that is how it started, the wedding ceremony. This particular blogpost is focused on sharing wedding tips for graduate students. The premise is based on both of us being international graduate students at the time (we still are), thousands of miles away from close family and with the blessing to be joined in holy matrimony.

“The take home message my wonderful husband, Olaniyi and I would both like to pass to the readers today is that– marriage is beautiful, and it is so powerful no man can take credit for it except the founder, God.”

The Olaniyi-Adewumis.

The season of preparing for the special day is usually a lot. Let’s spell it out, everyone (especially the bride) desires the day to be perfect!! Wedding prep is very demanding and no matter how simple or elaborate you’d plan it, it still demands for time, resources and a part of yourself (and of everyone involved in the planning). Many graduate students in different parts of the world start out married and many others get married before the end of their programs, international students inclusive. So, let’s debunk that myth (if there ever was), there are married graduate students! 😄.

Wedding tips for graduate students (on graduate assistantships)

1. Prepare wholesomely.

This is not a fantasy. As much as you are preparing for an awesome wedding, it is best to prepare wholesomely too. Although, it sounds cliched that wedding is not as important as the marriage itself; it is a true-life hack. You may prepare all you want for the most fairy tale themed kind of wedding but what lies ahead, (the next morning and the rest of your lives) is crucial. As Christians, our intentions about getting married should be ultimately for God’s glory and an opportunity to serve ourselves and others in the body of Christ. You both are about to get an assignment handed over to you, the reality of that should make one solemn as you reflect with every sense of gratitude and humility. Of course, having to do that with a life partner and in my case (literally) my best friend is quite exciting! Drop unrealistic expectations (white elephant project as my dear husband will call them) by taking things off their pedestals and place God in His rightful place over the wedding and marriage. Get the right pre-marital counseling, and other Godly counsel and encouragement to set you up for success. Be intentional with your spiritual faith and pray towards the day. Preparation should have started from the very day you both decided this courtship is headed for marriage!

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us. 

1 John 4: 18-19

A few years before my wedding, I thrifted a book; A Simple Wedding (The Spirit of Simple Living) which I eventually read as I prepared for my wedding. I recommend it to any groom and bride out there who desires a simple but impactful wedding.

2. Have a budget.

Have a budget you can afford and are ready to stick to. In the United States, graduate students are usually research or teaching assistants, which are mostly funded by grants and fellowships. These graciously pay for the very expensive tuition and then monthly pay for the students. Just like every other early career person out there, that cannot support a $28000 wedding cost which is the estimated average wedding cost in the US by The knot. Have a list of all the important parts of the wedding you both would like to include and assign cost within your means to each. Create a guest list you can maintain and count the cost (aka pros and cons) for every decision you begin to make towards the wedding. You know how those nice wedding movies start out with a girl’s daydream of getting married and how you want the events to look like….dreams come true and all but wedding prep as a student is about prioritizing, being logical and ready to sacrifice the not-so-importants. A friend suggested having a spreadsheet which was a great idea. I had an excel sheet y’all with an income and expenses columns. This way, you can keep track of the flow of finances.

3. DIYs and time management are your best tools.

Implementing Do It Yourself (DIYs) and the available resources never hurts no one. Adequate planning is important but what is more crucial is the planning team you have. Forming a team of people with like minds that are working on similar goals for the wedding with you will give you efficient results. As grad students, you may not have a lot of extra time lying around, so, your time management skill will be honed at this time. Friends from my local church were very instrumental during our wedding prep. We would meet on weekends to buy stuffs from the stores and dedicate certain hours in the week to put them together. Things like the reception floral arrangement and decor, tulle for the pews, the floral arc, wedding prints and menu were all put together with the help of my friends. It was a summer wedding, but we started planning from spring so, a friend suggested maximizing the spring season for flowers and immediately we went down to the Dollar tree to pick most of the flowers we ended up using. Your local church may have an activity center which could be a great reception venue, it does not hurt to ask. You know how asking questions in grad school is very helpful and important, do the same as you prepare for your wedding. You are far away from home, and this is something you’ve never done before, it is best you maximize the people God blessed you with at this point. Don’t underestimate your wedding train. Shout out to our groomsmen and maids of honor, 90% of them were grad students like us and, they were just the right people on the team. Ask questions from experienced people, ask for help!!! Yes, weddings are stressful but having a supportive team of people around you will make the process more bearable.

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?

Amos 3:3 (NIV)

4. Information is key.

You remember how much research and quality reading you do for school, transfer those skills here too. It’s your wedding after all. Obtain all relevant information towards the special day. For international students, the process of getting your marriage legal may be different from what you are used to in your home country. Ask questions about obtaining marriage license and having an ordained and licensed minister of God to join you. The marriage license is particularly time sensitive so, ask your county of residence all the appropriate questions. At the courthouse, there are documents you will need to present prior to getting the marriage license, so be informed.

5. There are free resources to use.

Your money habits as a couple will be reflected in the way you spend on your wedding. What is your motivation for doing things? Peer pressure, the need to impress or trends, or the need to do just-because-of?? You may do without that. The day itself goes by so fast, the best memories come later when you can sit back to reflect on the day together including the flops and successes (the flops are particularly inside jokes material, it’s fun😂). Do you know there are free wedding websites with predesigned templates you can use for your wedding? My husband and I designed our wedding e-invites, website, and program without paying a dime using With Joy You may look into The knot, Zola and other websites including a voluntary offer from that wonderful friend of yours who happens to be a graphic designer. Don’t spend money where you can get things done yourself or someone can help. It is important to know what to save on and what to splurge on. I believe, the photography, designing our cultural attire and shipping them from Nigeria would be the expensive things we splurged on, but God provided.

6. Keep the memories to heart.

The special day go by so fast! It is full of happy moments and memories that you will cherish forever. Saying I do may take a few powerful minutes, but the impact goes beyond generations. As you sign the dotted lines, it is best to capture it on recordings, pictures and all the good stuff technology brought. We had more fun watching our videos after the wedding. Love on each other more and enjoy the rest of your lives together❤❤. For my international grad students, it is a bummer to experience not having all your close family together physically for the occasion but find joy in the beauty of life and how far God has brought you. Carry your family along and let them have a sense of being a part of the occasion. We asked our parents to pre-record their wise words and prayers and send to us and now we can always listen to it anytime. Also, I had to include all my sisters name in the wedding program as part of the wedding train, and we made sure to give a nod to our roots the best way possible. You are not alone!

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

This post is a long read but the points are not exhaustive. Feel free to add yours please. If you are currently planning your wedding and you read this post, congratulations and I pray for a very happy married life!❤ I hope you find it helpful.

Special note: Would you give your life to Jesus Christ? He is the way, the truth and the life. If yes, please pray the prayers below:

Lord Jesus, thank you for your death and resurrection for the salvation of my soul. Please forgive all my sins. I choose you today to follow and to obey. May your love and the holy spirit lead and guide my purpose for your glory. Thank you, my Lord and savior. Amen!

Grace and blessings,

Olushola.

For more posts and contents from the blog visit BeDeborah.